For the past month I have buried myself in self reflection. I start my day with stretching both of my body and of my mind. I have learned much about myself, things I like, things I would alter through self growth and understanding, I am rediscovering me.
Today started off in a spectacular fashion. I climbed out of my tent to see mountains rising above me, mist lingering on the peaks while the sun made an appearance through the light cloud cover. I woke feeling refreshed, free of negative energy and the sense of foreboding which had been weighing me down the past couple of days. The morning was an opportunity to deal with chores and to reconnect with the “outside world.” Oh the glories of Facebook and email. I shared my latest photo project and caught up with my puppy sitter and that’s when it happened, the email came through from my mother. My mother who doesn’t share all the information, only what she deems important at the moment (sorry mom). The email stated “I’ll pick you up in Dover. Grampa is in the hospital…” for anyone who knows my family hearing that my grandfather is in the hospital is common news, I’m pretty sure he has frequent flyer miles, it was the rest of the sentence that had me pause “he had a hemorrhagic stroke.” This was not the way my grandfather rolled, he never went in for anything serious. Needless to say the information was sparse and being on the other side of the country doesn’t make it easy to drop in and see what’s going on. Instead I did the rational thing, I cried! I let the fear and the pain flood my senses and run from my eyes.
There is something so healing about letting your emotions free. For the moment I was on my own with only myself available to process the situation. All the time spent looking inward became an asset, I let myself truly feel the emotions coursing through me, I didn’t bury them or look to others to provide the support I thought I needed, there would be time for that later.
Sitting looking at the expansive wilderness in front of me I had decisions to make. Do I cut my trip short and fly home? Do I stick out the next couple weeks and hope for good news? There were many checks and balances to do. When the life of someone you love has an unknown destiny, one which has a possible time limit, every choice made will impact your life. I sat looking out at the mountains and the river. My mind wandered filled with the memories of all the time spent with my grandfather, hikes to his favorite fishing hole, cribbage games, driving my grandmother and him south for the winter (in a 30′ motor home towing a car), his stories of being a WWII POW, and so much more. His excitement and support of my upcoming adventure to hike the AT. I am blessed for any and every moment I have with my grandfather.
With much thought behind my decision and knowing what my grandfather would want for me I have decided to finish my current adventure. Updates on my grandfather say he’s doing well. I’m looking forward to giving him a great big hug upon my return to NH.
And an adventure it has been. Days upon days of rain falling to the point that my tent had to be moved for possible record breaking floods. The river rose over ten feet in two days. The grass patch is where my tent was.
The before flood river. See normally there are rocks.